5 Tips for Extending Birth Invitations
/By: Michelle Gilley, CPM, BSM
Who to Invite?
Think about who you need or want to be in and out of your birthing space. This may be friends or family members who are supporting you. It may be someone who has a specific responsibility such as dropping off food, picking up pets or being present for your other kiddos. Deciding who is invited ahead of time will help keep things flowing smoothly and prevent unnecessary traffic through your space. Make it clear who is welcome, who you prefer to be on standby, or who you prefer not to swing by until postpartum.
Set Clear Expectations
Not everyone is familiar with how to adjust their energy to a birthing environment. Communicating your desires ahead of time can help assist your loved ones with meeting your expectations. Let them know what type of environment you are envisioning. Share birth videos to show birthing people changing positions and vocalizing and receiving support during their labor to help conceptualize what you want. Let them know if you are okay / not okay with them posting social media statuses about your progress, texting others about what is happening. Communicate how you feel about online announcements or photo posting.
Write a Welcome Letter
Consider writing a letter to the people you would like to welcome into your birthing space. In this letter you can make requests such as silence so you can focus, keeping the tv off, turning their phones to silent. You might let them know you welcome verbal encouragement and touch or massage. Let them know if you want them to stay in a designated waiting area or if you feel comfortable with them being anywhere. A letter can also include ideas for ways they can support you while they are present as some people are not sure what to do. When you communicate your desires, your expectations are much more likely to be met. And if they are not being met, there is a precedence already set for asking them to exit your space.
Plan for Privacy
Though it should go without saying, it helps to communicate to birth guests in spoken or written form ahead of time that you may want to elect privacy at any point and that this is not a personal issue. Let them know that how you feel may change during labor and request them to be flexible in case you decide you don’t want anyone in the room or house after all. This will prepare them in case they need to leave (with a good attitude) in order to be most supportive to your progress.
If You Want to Limit Invitations
In some cases, birthing families limit who they have at their birth to themselves and this is perfectly okay. A letter setting expectations can still be helpful in this case. Let them know if you will or will not be giving regular text updates. Let them know you will be focused on bonding and breastfeeding immediately after birth and it may be a little while, a few hours or a few days before you are ready to mingle again. Let them know if it is okay to call during your labor or not. Communicating ahead of time might prevent your phone from ringing off the hook or prevent unexpected visitors which could inhibit your focus. All of this is up to personal preference and different individuals/families will approach this in their unique way.